A conversation between fictional engineers in a fictional world

A hypothetical conversation that may have occurred between two non-existent engineers working on the second Death Star in the completely fictional Star Wars universe.

Engineer #1: Hey Bob, I was perusing the blueprints for this “Second Deathstar” this morning. Pretty impressive stuff.

Engineer #2: Thanks Hank. I’m pretty proud of it.

Engineer #1: And you should be! Had one question though. There was something in the request-for-proposals that mentioned some flaw in the previous one where a snub fighter could drop a torpedo through a vent and blow the whole thing up, yeah?

Engineer #2: Yep! Don’t you feel bad for the poor schmuck who made that decision?

Engineer #1: Haha, that’s a good one Bob. So you fixed that right?

Engineer #2: Oh, definitely. All the exhaust ports are small enough the only thing falling in there is a grain of sand.

Engineer #1: Nice thinking! So, my real question is, what’s this giant opening you can fly a large freighter through? And why does it lead right to the station’s giant fusion reactor that sits in a room big enough to fly in circles in said large freighter?

Engineer #2: Oh, that? Well, the passage from that room to the surface is where I’m going to run all the pipes and wiring that I forget about until the last second. I figure once I’m done patching everything together, no pilot would be able to fly through there, even in a snub fighter.

Engineer #1: And the giant room?

Engineer #2: Oh, you know clients. Always deciding they want something really impressive at the last minute. I figured I’d just leave a little extra room in case they come up with something at the last minute.

Engineer #1: Haha, right again Bob. Clients are such idiots.

Texas is its own dumb thing

Southern American English

OK, here’s the deal. Wikipedia has it all wrong.

  1. Texas is not part of the South. Texas is its own unique thing. Sure we have dumbasses, but they are our dumbasses, wholly distinct from your typical Southern dumbass.
  2. In Texas, the way you refer to “you all” is “ya’ll”; it’s a contraction of “ya all”.
  3. They neglected to mention the idiomatic pronunciation of words like “oil” (ah-wllllll) or “wash” (warsh).

Please take it under consideration: Wikipedia is edited by a lot of damn Oklahomans.

Chance Encounter

Another meme-ish “film” by yours truly. This time, the idea is you do something in five seconds, plus a two second intro and a one second outro. Here’s what I came up with:

This is an adaptation of possibly my favorite improvised joke. I deploy this joke when a conversation is interrupted by some disturbance or noisy distraction. Right before the conversation is going to continue, I say “…and that’s how I met the president and the pope on the same day.” Works pretty well.

Funny aside: I found out about this on the Vimeo site, thinking there was a competition this weekend. Turns out, it was last weekend. Figures.

The Trading Places solution to the credit crunch

Put on your federal government hat. Get the remaining TARP funds out from under the mattress.

  1. Note bank share prices
  2. Start buying shares in banks
  3. Announce you are going to buy every bank in the country
  4. Let the price go up a bit, but keep buying shares
  5. When the old guys get nervous, start selling
  6. Keep selling until prices drop below the noted price
  7. Put the TARP funds back under the mattress
  8. Use the profits to prop-up the already propped-up banks
  9. Insist they actually lend the money this time

At your discretion, send the SEC on an executive retreat and accidentally disable Blackberry email servers.